My first problem today occurs before I even leave the house: I am currently 36 years old and in a slight panic over the silver hairs colonizing on the top of my head. It looks more and more like a hostile takeover day by day. Still, with age comes experience (so they say), so the show must go on (so they also say). I could tell you that transitioning through the chronological divide from my 20s into my 30s was a monumental event. I could tell you that I somehow woke up at age 30 a more motivated, successful woman. I could tell you stories of my world travels, published works, wonderful relationship, and my vast life experiences. I could tell you all of that, but I’d be a liar. None of those things is true. I’m dealing with life on a MUCH simpler scale. This Monday morning is actually very much like all of my Monday mornings. I have the most loathed day of the week down to a routine: wake up late, slurp coffee, burn my tongue, inhale breakfast, and leave by 6:30 a.m. to teach my 5th grade beginning orchestra class on time. If a Monday ever occurs that I don’t look like a disheveled mess, it will be a miracle of modern science. Scientists and researchers will bask in the glory of my organizational skills while admiring my perfectly put together outfit and precisely applied cosmetics.
I really would love to say that I’ve got it all together and everyone loves and adores me, but the truth is that I’m still evolving day by day; I think of it as a soap opera that I’ve aptly named ”As the Introvert Ages.” I love to teach with all the energy and enthusiasm I possess, but at the end of a busy work day I like to go home. I immediately get in my pajamas, and eventually curl up with a good book (or Netflix). I enjoy working with others in a team setting; I can even be quite animated and engaging. I just feel that small talk is exhausting. It’s a real win for me when I can hang out with someone and not have to talk. My ideal man is one who makes the first move, because I’m usually too shy (believe it or not); he’d make me feel comfortable right away. My ideal relationship would involve snuggling up to my significant other on the couch while he watches television and I read; we’re not talking, but we’re close. There’s something so intimate about silence and there is comfort in being at home. My ideal man has a great vocabulary, but can also communicate telepathically. (I’m joking…..maybe.)
I dream often about living outside my comfort zone, and sometimes I can even trick myself into doing something I’ve never done before. When I first moved to Houston in 2002, straight out of a small town in West Texas, the most adventurous thing I tried was eating at a Japanese restaurant. Now my idea of adventure is marriage and motherhood, things I never gave priority to as a younger woman. Those are also things that are outside of my comfort zone. Sharing my space with another human being all of the time? Never getting time to myself? Never having quiet? I have great respect for people who easily share their time and their space. To me, an uninterrupted hour of reading or writing is akin to healing part of my soul. The silence is rejuvenating. Will I ever find a man that understands me that deeply? I suppose that is part of life’s big adventure. By now, I do have a greater understanding of how my own brain works, but sometimes I can still surprise myself. Sometimes I’m just surprised that my brain is working at all. That’s why the newest motto I’ve adopted is “Just show up.” I like to be just as surprised as everybody else as to what I’m going to do next. When I keep people guessing, they don’t have time to worry that I have no idea what I’m doing. (Kidding….again. Sorry, bad habit.)
It is in this vein of spontaneity that I’ve compiled a list of 5 character traits that I feel one must possess to truly be successful in life. (Kidding….got you AGAIN!!)
I think the most important thing to take away from this blog is that we should just embrace each other’s flaws and help each other be better when we can. Nobody is ever going to have it completely together, and if they do it’s because they paid somebody else to do it for them. New goal: pay someone to get my stuff together. Also, vinyl records sound so much better than CDs.
Okay, okay. That’s it for today. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.