A girl can only be left so many times before she starts to think she’s an abject failure and there’s no hope that she’ll ever have any success with the opposite sex. A girl can only be left so many times before she gets scared that they’ll all leave. I’m ashamed to admit I sat at home wallowing in the rejection, wondering what was wrong with me. So, I took a hiatus from dating. I focused on myself: my goals, my needs, my wants. I spent time with friends. I did what I wanted to do. I binged Netflix, played video games, and hid from the world.
I hid, I felt safe, and I healed…..and I learned the most important thing about myself I could ever learn.
THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING WRONG WITH ME. My self-worth is not tied to assholes who don’t appreciate my value and/or take me for granted. My self-worth isn’t contingent on the feelings of men who are insecure and want to condescend and put me down to make themselves feel better. My self-worth is MINE. DAMN IT. It’s MINE. I know I don’t have time for people who can’t respect every fucking facet of who I am. Bad stuff, good stuff, goofy stuff, whatever…..it’s all me.
I was ready yesterday, finally, to come out of hiding….to come back from my hiatus a changed woman. I felt very motivated to just go out and have a good time and meet people, and I did.
I went to the bar early to watch the football game (Texans v. Saints pre-season, do you know me at ALL?) and just have a drink and relax before my friend’s cover band was to perform. I was minding my own business, enjoying a vodka cranberry, when a man came up to me. I was startled, because I was very focused on the game. He laughed and apologized, and asked if I was part of the meet-up group. I said that I wasn’t, but still we struck up a conversation. He was very easy to talk to, funny, charming in an unassuming way. Through the course of the conversation I found out he’s 52, from Philadelphia, and is an electrical engineer. Through the course of the conversation I found out that I CAN actually really grab the right kind of man’s attention. It IS possible! To make a long story short, he bought my drinks all night, found my friends chairs around the table and was just the perfect gentleman. He even had a conversation with Digger! I really enjoyed his company. When I had to leave, he gave me a hug, kissed my cheek and said goodnight. That was it. We parted ways. Nothing will come of it, because he does live in Philadelphia, but what a great night.
Thank you, John. You made me feel beautiful, funny, appreciated, and treated me like I deserve to be treated, and we weren’t even on a date! Gentlemen are out there….so glad this one crossed my path, even if it was just for a few hours listening to live music.
1) I’ve still got it….my “A game” is strong.
2) Maybe I’ve been dating in the wrong age bracket? Lmao
3) I’m not throwing in the towel just yet….my man is out there somewhere….but in the meantime, I’m gonna concentrate on being the best me I can.
4) I think I’m finally happy, no matter what my relationship status is.